The Rose Tint is Fading

The job hunt still has not gotten anywhere.

I've interviewed for a couple of places outside of schools. Right now, I am returning for a second interview as an Assistant Director for Huntington Learning Center. I worked at HLC in California as a PT Lead Teacher, and I really enjoyed it. In fact, my old boss was the person who informed me of the opening and made the referral.
I have mixed feelings about the job, as the pay will barely meet my needs and there are no medical or dental benefits, which is something I really need. It's also a much longer commute than I really want, involving a traffic filled drive along the Eisenhower Expressway.

I'd rather be teaching, but that's a hopeless thought at this point.

On the horizon...

Eric convinced me to apply for a couple of positions at his company. Better pay and benefits. Almost as long as a commute, but a better route. Yet Eric and I would be working at the same company, which is not a good idea for many reasons.

And I received a call from a recruiter looking for part-time tutors to work in hospitals with children too sick to attend school. I'd LOVE that job, even if it is part-time, it's closer to what I want to be doing and it's far more meaningful than anything else I've looked into. I could do something else part-time as well. But I don't know if they'll even come out from MA to interview me, and it may be a couple of weeks before I know.

I could always substitute teach, but it's unknown how often I'd get called in, and therefore how much monthly income I can rely on. No benefits either. The big plus is that I'd get to work at many schools, meet the teachers and staff, and have a lot more chances of getting hired next fall.
I really want to get hired next fall.

I've come so far in life to have fallen back this much. All our financial plans are null and void at this point. I'd be extremely lucky to be making almost half of what my salary was last year. Which means no new furniture, no wedding plans, and no house.

I love Eric, and I'm happy to be with him, but I want more than to be in the same place in life I was when I was 20 now that I'm facing 30. And I can't talk to anyone about how I feel without fearing that they'll come to the conclusion that I made a mistake. I don't even want to go there.
This is not a mistake. But it is....hard. Very hard. And I am very unhappy.